Sometimes, I just need to write things out. I'm one of those people who do better writing out my thoughts and feelings instead of using words. I mean, unless you pry it out. Lately, I have been really sensitive about questions with my life. I had no clue why, but now I am understanding. It has to do with something inside myself. My heart. A problem. Control & Fear.
Lately, my time in the Word has been reading and like okay, that's cool, thank you Lord and usually follow by feeling bad about my life or something like that. Recently, there have been some good days with the Word, Like learning about James, Jesus' brother, who also wrote the book of James and it just clicked to why I love the book of James since all James had to go through. Whoa. One of those Wow, how come I haven't realize this.. God is so much bigger than me & has lots of truths that are just waiting for me to unveil.
I've been growing weary with school, especially finding an internship site. I have seriously gone through 5 sites and either it didn't fit my schedule, or it was something I wanted to do. I felt defeated. I have one more I am looking into and it seems promising so far. I do have a fear that this one will be taken away just like the others. I have a fear of either not getting into the school I want to next year & being able to get in state tuition and if that that doesn't happen, finding a job. I have fears of not being "ready." I am learning how to give these fear to Him and control over it. I have to cling to His promise that He knows the desires of my heart and knows what is best for me. With that. This long distance relationship thing. I was all right for the most part, but lately I have just, well, I am not sure. Like it has been FOREVER since I have seen Ned and just hanging out with him. This is hard.. 3 months. People have told me it is worth it, and I believe so in the sense of when seeing the person, it makes it .. I'm not sure what word to use for it besides exciting/one of a kind experience. That is what I need to realize. Not every relationship goes through months and months apart from each other. Also, each one is definitely not the same. God has definitely been working through some our weakness together. He is definitely growing us closer to Him.. not without mourning and tears haha. We both know it will be worth it in the end. Plus, we got a book about questions before you marry.. and some of the questions have helped the quality of our conversations & definitely learning about each other on a deeper level. Also, reminding us on why we are in this relationship in the fist place. Always good to be reminded of that.
Scripture that I love meditating on recently on? JAMES 1.
Monday, November 17, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Confused. Lost. Found.
I'm in a season of waiting. Waiting to see what is my next chapter after undergrad at UIC. Waiting to see when engagement and marriage will come into play. Waiting for this semester to end. Waiting for my next semester to start. Waiting to see if I get an internship next semester and when. Waiting to know if I can take the TEAS test somewhere here. Waiting. Waiting for answers.
You know the verse: Be still and know I am God. Well, that is a verse if you didn't. I am finding in this season that God is the only person I feel at peace with during this time of waiting. Knowing that my future is in His hands and He knows my desires and plans. Sometimes it is hard to feel that. Sometimes I do doubt. On a daily basis I need to surrender my life to God because I do not have control. Even when I think I do. I do not. God is definitely working on my prayer life and personal time with Him this season. I cannot go a day without prayer and going to Him with my worries and anxieties. Quite frankly, it is getting tiredsome. But I am learning that this may be happening because He is teaching me what perseverance is.. having a FAITH and HOPE in Him alone. Recently I looked over the story of Joseph (the one with Mary). Meditating on his perseverance to always looking to God throughout the journey of meeting married and when Jesus was born. Knowing where to go. What to do. And why did Joseph know? Because God lead him and he looked to God. Joseph persevered with all the craziness of Mary becoming pregnant and traveling around.
"For God is not the author of confusion but of peace" - I Corinthians 14:33
You know the verse: Be still and know I am God. Well, that is a verse if you didn't. I am finding in this season that God is the only person I feel at peace with during this time of waiting. Knowing that my future is in His hands and He knows my desires and plans. Sometimes it is hard to feel that. Sometimes I do doubt. On a daily basis I need to surrender my life to God because I do not have control. Even when I think I do. I do not. God is definitely working on my prayer life and personal time with Him this season. I cannot go a day without prayer and going to Him with my worries and anxieties. Quite frankly, it is getting tiredsome. But I am learning that this may be happening because He is teaching me what perseverance is.. having a FAITH and HOPE in Him alone. Recently I looked over the story of Joseph (the one with Mary). Meditating on his perseverance to always looking to God throughout the journey of meeting married and when Jesus was born. Knowing where to go. What to do. And why did Joseph know? Because God lead him and he looked to God. Joseph persevered with all the craziness of Mary becoming pregnant and traveling around.
"For God is not the author of confusion but of peace" - I Corinthians 14:33
Friday, July 11, 2014
For all the girls
This season of my life, I am learning to truly believe in the promises God has for us. I am growing weary of this world to be honest. I feel like I hate how women are seen in this world. I hate how some women may feel like they need to dress a certain way to be accepted. I hate how some women do not care what they wear. It pains me to see this all of a sudden.. really does. It hurts because I did feel like I needed to dress a certain way to be accepted. I felt all of this. And now, being clothed in dignity means something to me more.
"True beauty emanates from a woman who boldly and unabashedly knows who she is in Christ."
Ladies. True beauty is not on the outside. It is about how you represent yourselves to others. I say this with conviction in myself too. I need to stop wondering if I look pretty on the outside. I want to be the woman that people compliment on my personality and NOT my body. Now, Who am I in Christ? Who are you in Christ?
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer" - Psalm 19:14
Ladies. True beauty is not on the outside. It is about how you represent yourselves to others. I say this with conviction in myself too. I need to stop wondering if I look pretty on the outside. I want to be the woman that people compliment on my personality and NOT my body. Now, Who am I in Christ? Who are you in Christ?
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer" - Psalm 19:14
" You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit that you received from God and that lives in you. You don’t own yourselves. God paid a very high price to make you his. So honor God with your body." - I Corinthians 6: 19-20
I am continuing learning how my body IS God's. What a relationship I have with Him.. He created me, He wants me, and even when I do not want Him.. He's there. He paid the price. He wants me to honor Him with how I represent my relationship with Him. He cares. Sometimes, I think to myself, would I do something different if Jesus is here or I am going to see Him. Because He is watching. My relationship with Jesus is serious.. it is not something I can blow off.. though I do sometimes. It breaks my heart when I realize I have.
Thought of the day: Hows your relationship with everyone you know. Which people do you feel closer to and why. Do you have a relationship with Christ? Why or Why not?
Promises
So, I haven't written a blog since finals week haha. I'm sorry to anyone who liked reading them. A new job, summer school, and volunteering have been keeping me quite busy. Also, you know, hanging out with friends and Ned a lot before he moves.
Anyways, for like 3 weeks, I have been feeling not "myself." It is getting harder to trust in the truth and promises of God. It is harder to "be strong" that Ned is moving to Charlotte soon. It does not help that I am waiting to finish summer school before I try and plan anything for after my undergrad. 3 more weeks! woot woot! Sometimes, I just want to know when things are going to happen.. that's all haha:)
Question: Why is it so "bad" to show emotion? Why do people not like to cry in public? I believe in our society, the strong people are looked at the people who do not cry, who do not let their emotions get in the way of things. When I think of these questions, the verses that come up are from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
There's a time in your life for everything. The next verse that I am sharing is a verse I am quoting every morning. I am at the point where I need to be reminded that God is for me even when I do not "feel" it. It's like, I know I should feel confident in God but why do I not. A quote that I saw on Pintrest totally described how I am feeling with my relationship with God. "It feels so good to be lost in the right direction" Oh, now the verse:
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23
Anyways, for like 3 weeks, I have been feeling not "myself." It is getting harder to trust in the truth and promises of God. It is harder to "be strong" that Ned is moving to Charlotte soon. It does not help that I am waiting to finish summer school before I try and plan anything for after my undergrad. 3 more weeks! woot woot! Sometimes, I just want to know when things are going to happen.. that's all haha:)
Question: Why is it so "bad" to show emotion? Why do people not like to cry in public? I believe in our society, the strong people are looked at the people who do not cry, who do not let their emotions get in the way of things. When I think of these questions, the verses that come up are from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
There's a time in your life for everything. The next verse that I am sharing is a verse I am quoting every morning. I am at the point where I need to be reminded that God is for me even when I do not "feel" it. It's like, I know I should feel confident in God but why do I not. A quote that I saw on Pintrest totally described how I am feeling with my relationship with God. "It feels so good to be lost in the right direction" Oh, now the verse:
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Envy
Lately, Envy has been in my heart. Isn't it hard to think that everyone around you has their life together, has that happy ending that you so desire or whatever your case may be? Well, that is me. I am desiring what others have, and it got to the point where I was crying and asking God, WHY?! WHY can't I have that yet? I'm ready. I have been waiting for quite some time. I don't know if I can do this anymore. Please Lord, just let me be able to have it. And then.. after saying that out loud and pleading. I realize.. this is all I want. I knew that and I had a hard time admitting that that was selfish because I really did not think it was selfish. Because of this, this harms my relationships with other people and also God.
I was mad for like 3 days straight at God for not giving me what I thought I have earned. I was mad that things are not coming together like other people's lives. I was being envious and just not happy with where God has me now. But, guess what. God has me where I am and wants me to build up His kingdom where I am and be present.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" -Philippians 4:6-7
I was mad for like 3 days straight at God for not giving me what I thought I have earned. I was mad that things are not coming together like other people's lives. I was being envious and just not happy with where God has me now. But, guess what. God has me where I am and wants me to build up His kingdom where I am and be present.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" -Philippians 4:6-7
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." -Matthew 6:25-34
How am I learning to be less anxious? Prayer helps. Persistent prayer. Reading the Word helps. Meditating on it. Be in the present and what God has to offer to me each day. Seek His Kingdom. Have FAITH that He will answer.
God is fighting FOR us.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Ups and Downs. Listening.
Lately, I feel my life has been going up and down and up and down. Like one hour something great happens and then the next hour something discouraging happens. One moment was that I was anticipating to find out what is wrong with my knee last week, but I have to wait for a visit that will be this Friday. Another week. I admit. I was mad at first.. even though I probably did not show it ( I tend to keep things like that that make me mad inside). I just have had moments like that a lot recently and it is draining for sure. But I'm learning that I just need to listen to God and surrender.
I do get on rants sometimes with people. I have a lot of friends who are prayer warriors and tell me something encouraging or are praying for me recently and that is SO GREAT! My initial reactions to all of these was to ask for their prayer request and I would pray for them right then, but then forget it throughout my week. I believe God is teaching me how to take in how much I am loved by people He has brought to me in my life. God is showing me that I do not have to do something for my friends for them to like me, they already do and care for me. Even when I feel the crappiest and a failure. And guess what. It is just a SMALL glimpse of His love for me!
I Peter 5:6-11 is right by my bed and I look at it every time before I go to sleep.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
This verse reminds me that my God is great. Life is hard in this world but it will pass. The devil is strong, our flesh is weak. But being in a community is great!
I do get on rants sometimes with people. I have a lot of friends who are prayer warriors and tell me something encouraging or are praying for me recently and that is SO GREAT! My initial reactions to all of these was to ask for their prayer request and I would pray for them right then, but then forget it throughout my week. I believe God is teaching me how to take in how much I am loved by people He has brought to me in my life. God is showing me that I do not have to do something for my friends for them to like me, they already do and care for me. Even when I feel the crappiest and a failure. And guess what. It is just a SMALL glimpse of His love for me!
I Peter 5:6-11 is right by my bed and I look at it every time before I go to sleep.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
This verse reminds me that my God is great. Life is hard in this world but it will pass. The devil is strong, our flesh is weak. But being in a community is great!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Comparing
Why do I feel like I always compare myself with people? This is the question that is always coming up for me. The answer I feel like is simple: I am not fully satisfied with God. Then I go, yes I am! I'm having my God times.. trying to listen to Him. Waiting for His time.. and struggling with that but I know I will gain perseverance in Him. James 1:2-4 is the verse that is constantly coming to me, along with Jeremiah 29:11.. He knows my plans. Now, all our plans are not going to be the same. Everyone is unique. My plans are not going to be the same as my friend's plan. This is what I am struggling to keep strong in thinking.
Struggling is hard.. especially when the answers seem so easy. Struggling is not easy. It's not fun. But just know, there is light in the end. God is going to come back. Everything will be good eventually. Nothing is going to matter besides Him.
Now, take one day at a time. Know He is good and great. Know everything will fall into place eventually. My life is not falling apart, it's falling into place.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
More Time
It's getting to that time of the semester where things are getting crazy and picking up. I realize today that I wish I had more time. More time to be able to just sit and have a Jesus date. Fall more in love with Him. Instead of worrying about what I have to do with a class, making sure things get turned in, meetings, eating, and you know, just regular things. I get so drained from my day that I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep my worries away and just be like.. Okay.. Jesus. You know what's up.
I have been disciplined in thinking each day on what God wants me to do for His glory. So I go on prayer walks most of the time and then I keep on going about my day. I realize today though.. I need to make time for myself to have God and I time. Not God and other people time. God and I time. Like not once a week or twice a week. Everyday. Why? Because I am in love with God. He needs to be number one.
Ned and I are reading through the whole Bible this year. I confess that some days.. I let that be my God and I time. Now.. this is just my conviction. God is a jealous God and desires my attention. Yet, I don't give it to Him some days.
Jesus is my friend.. "No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." (John 15:15)
-That is Jesus talking over there by the way.
Anyways, I am making it a goal for me this week to find time this week for some God and I time so that I can learn from Him, be sustained by Him, and know that He is ENOUGH. I definitely need this intimate time with Him this week and I am so happy I am yearning for it!
By the way, don't get me wrong, I don't think it is bad to have God, other people, and yourself time.. It builds up community. But I do think it is harmful in your relationship to God if that is the only time you spend time with God. It's like.. getting to know a person 1 on 1 versus with other people in the room. It can work.. or it can't.
Have a great week this week and find that time to spend time with God to get to know Him more!
I have been disciplined in thinking each day on what God wants me to do for His glory. So I go on prayer walks most of the time and then I keep on going about my day. I realize today though.. I need to make time for myself to have God and I time. Not God and other people time. God and I time. Like not once a week or twice a week. Everyday. Why? Because I am in love with God. He needs to be number one.
Ned and I are reading through the whole Bible this year. I confess that some days.. I let that be my God and I time. Now.. this is just my conviction. God is a jealous God and desires my attention. Yet, I don't give it to Him some days.
Jesus is my friend.. "No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." (John 15:15)
-That is Jesus talking over there by the way.
Anyways, I am making it a goal for me this week to find time this week for some God and I time so that I can learn from Him, be sustained by Him, and know that He is ENOUGH. I definitely need this intimate time with Him this week and I am so happy I am yearning for it!
By the way, don't get me wrong, I don't think it is bad to have God, other people, and yourself time.. It builds up community. But I do think it is harmful in your relationship to God if that is the only time you spend time with God. It's like.. getting to know a person 1 on 1 versus with other people in the room. It can work.. or it can't.
Have a great week this week and find that time to spend time with God to get to know Him more!
Monday, February 10, 2014
Really. Valentines Day..
As most of you all know. Valentine's Day is this week. Everyone is wondering what they are going to do to celebrate or find something to do and mourn with being single. People are asking one another what they are doing. Of course, I asked Ned what are we doing for Valentine's Day. Well, we are not spending Valentine's Day together. I was bummed at first, but then it just hit me. What makes Valentine's Day so special than any other day we have been together? Nothing.
Now, I am trying to look at Valentine's Day a different way. Sure, it's not wrong to buy gifts and all for each other or go out with some girls or I guess guys too and just hang out. I'm looking at Valentine's Day a you can show love to your friends.. not just your significant other or lack thereof. But then again.. why should I give into a Hallmark thing. Sure, we can celebrate love.. but does that mean we do not love each other on other days? Anyways, this is making me think about how I should be showing God's love more and that I need His help with that. It's hard. I just want to live my own life. But. That is not why I am created to be.. or anyone. We can choose to live for ourselves but is that going to satisfy us forever?
Now, I am trying to look at Valentine's Day a different way. Sure, it's not wrong to buy gifts and all for each other or go out with some girls or I guess guys too and just hang out. I'm looking at Valentine's Day a you can show love to your friends.. not just your significant other or lack thereof. But then again.. why should I give into a Hallmark thing. Sure, we can celebrate love.. but does that mean we do not love each other on other days? Anyways, this is making me think about how I should be showing God's love more and that I need His help with that. It's hard. I just want to live my own life. But. That is not why I am created to be.. or anyone. We can choose to live for ourselves but is that going to satisfy us forever?
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Power of Prayer
Do you think prayer is powerful? I'm going to be honest and say that my prayer life has not been what it was before. Sure. I pray every day.. but do I actually believe what I am saying or am I just saying/thinking about what I need help on. It is interesting to think I have a sincere heart when I pray for others, but when I pray for myself.. it has not been sincere. It has been more of I know God is great and has control.. but do I actually truly 100% believe that. Not 99.9%... 100%.
I hate that I am not perfect. You know why? Because that means I always need help. I feel like I am useless. Not worth anything. Stupid. But you know what. That's okay haha. I do not need to be perfect because there is already One is who! Amen!
Life has been hard psychologically for me. Making sure I will be able to graduate in time. Making sure I am doing well with my classes. Making sure I am showing Christ's love each day. Making sure I won't let what culture says dictate what I believe the Spirit has led me to choose or do. All this goes through my head each day. It is tiring. It probably has to do with I think how I should live my life A LOT. I guess that's good. But I have been learning that sometimes, I need to let things go and give it to God 100%. Like I have already looked to what I need to do to graduate, but I am still freaking out about it because of stories I have been hearing. I should not be worried about it though, because I cannot prevent what will happen. I do not know. God knows. Why can't I just seriously give it to him and move on.
I also have been planning my life for, lets say, the next 3 years. I say to myself that I know this is what I want, and God is going to either open doors or close them. I have to be ready to accept that. That means.. I need Him. I need to talk to Him. I need Him. I said it again. I need God and I want to show that. I want God to use me in ways I can hardly imagine and just be in awe of His Power. I want to be able to pray for others BELIEVING and TRUSTING God will provide.I want to be able to do that for myself to.
Today, I went with some friends to downtown Chicago and gave food to the homeless and shared with them about Christ's love and asked to pray with them or if they have any requests. It's easy to think.. if God has provided for them yet.. how is He going to.. especially if they are dress like that and whatnot. There's me not believing on what God can do. Today, I have not felt more sincere in my prayers for a while. I just wanted them to know that God does care.. I know it is hard in your situation and I do not know what they are going through.. but knowing Jesus and having faith He will get you out of it.. it can happen. God can use the people around for that.
With today, I saw so many prayers answered. I had my heart truly yearning for God to work in people's lives. I want people to have the relationship I have with Him. It is SO HARD on days when I just want to sleep all day.. maybe it's the weather.
Anyway, back the topic. The POWER of prayer! Do you truly 100% believe in it? Ask for it. Use it.
I hate that I am not perfect. You know why? Because that means I always need help. I feel like I am useless. Not worth anything. Stupid. But you know what. That's okay haha. I do not need to be perfect because there is already One is who! Amen!
Life has been hard psychologically for me. Making sure I will be able to graduate in time. Making sure I am doing well with my classes. Making sure I am showing Christ's love each day. Making sure I won't let what culture says dictate what I believe the Spirit has led me to choose or do. All this goes through my head each day. It is tiring. It probably has to do with I think how I should live my life A LOT. I guess that's good. But I have been learning that sometimes, I need to let things go and give it to God 100%. Like I have already looked to what I need to do to graduate, but I am still freaking out about it because of stories I have been hearing. I should not be worried about it though, because I cannot prevent what will happen. I do not know. God knows. Why can't I just seriously give it to him and move on.
I also have been planning my life for, lets say, the next 3 years. I say to myself that I know this is what I want, and God is going to either open doors or close them. I have to be ready to accept that. That means.. I need Him. I need to talk to Him. I need Him. I said it again. I need God and I want to show that. I want God to use me in ways I can hardly imagine and just be in awe of His Power. I want to be able to pray for others BELIEVING and TRUSTING God will provide.I want to be able to do that for myself to.
Today, I went with some friends to downtown Chicago and gave food to the homeless and shared with them about Christ's love and asked to pray with them or if they have any requests. It's easy to think.. if God has provided for them yet.. how is He going to.. especially if they are dress like that and whatnot. There's me not believing on what God can do. Today, I have not felt more sincere in my prayers for a while. I just wanted them to know that God does care.. I know it is hard in your situation and I do not know what they are going through.. but knowing Jesus and having faith He will get you out of it.. it can happen. God can use the people around for that.
With today, I saw so many prayers answered. I had my heart truly yearning for God to work in people's lives. I want people to have the relationship I have with Him. It is SO HARD on days when I just want to sleep all day.. maybe it's the weather.
Anyway, back the topic. The POWER of prayer! Do you truly 100% believe in it? Ask for it. Use it.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Grace. Be you.
Such a little word, but this is what I have been learning recently. Phil Wickham's song "Grace" is spot on to what I am thinking/feeling. I need to stop thinking I can do things and know that it is all by Jesus. I need Him to be louder than my voice. I can't do it alone. Go and listen to the song if you have time. It's great.
Since my last post, I know I have a hard time at comparing myself to other people. Don't we all though? It seems like I am never satisfied in whom I am. Psalm 139 is helping me. All by God. I need to be who I am and not dictate my actions or how I dress by what culture or people think I should be. IF I am following God and listening to Him.. why should I care on what others would think of me? He is the one that has a final say. I know. Sometimes, it is hard for me to think that in the sense since He is not physically here to have coffee with or see randomly. I have to MAKE time for Him.. I have to make time to be with Him and talk to Him. He is REAL. He is with me. It may not be like physically here like my friends, but He needs to be the one that I seek my approval on. SO. Do what God wants you to do. Ask Him. Make sure you are at peace with your decision.
Since my last post, I know I have a hard time at comparing myself to other people. Don't we all though? It seems like I am never satisfied in whom I am. Psalm 139 is helping me. All by God. I need to be who I am and not dictate my actions or how I dress by what culture or people think I should be. IF I am following God and listening to Him.. why should I care on what others would think of me? He is the one that has a final say. I know. Sometimes, it is hard for me to think that in the sense since He is not physically here to have coffee with or see randomly. I have to MAKE time for Him.. I have to make time to be with Him and talk to Him. He is REAL. He is with me. It may not be like physically here like my friends, but He needs to be the one that I seek my approval on. SO. Do what God wants you to do. Ask Him. Make sure you are at peace with your decision.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Reflect and Move on
Hi there people. I have decided to join the world of blogging this year since I do enjoy writing and typing out my thoughts already. I want people to know what I am going through and be vulnerable with my life as much as I can. Plus, this will be good for me too. Anyways, here I go.
During my break from school, I have reflected on the year 2013 about my relationships. I have a confession. I am selfish. I like to conceal things and be a "big" girl. I want to be perfect and make everyone think that I am. hah. This is one area of my life I want to be better in.
My parents are hard workers. They have been through a lot and is always neat to hear their stories. I totally feel spoiled with them. During college life I have been talking to them more and more.. as in not just surface level conversations but like purpose of life and hear their advice. One thing I had to let go was knowing the fact I need help with life haha. I do not like asking help for things. I always think I am able to find out it on my own and that I do not need anyone. That is just a lie. I have learning to be more open with them, learn from them, care for them, and pray for them. I hope to continue down this path with them.
Now, this next one may be intense. It is going to be about how I am selfish in my relationship with my boyfriend.
January 1, 2013 at midnight, my boyfriend now decided to pursue me after me going on a 1 year promise to God of no dating. During that 1 year of no dating I had learned a lot. Especially understanding the fact that I just need God. I do NOT need a guy to tell me I am beautiful, ask me how I am, get me gifts, and such and such. All I really need is to be satisfy with a God who loves me so much that I can hardly understand it and spend time with Him. Get to know Him. Look to Him. Give it to Him. My worth is in Him. No guy, I repeat, no guy is going to completely satisfy a girl.. at least not all the time. Guys are not perfect. They make mistakes. They say stupid things. No matter how much they love you, they still do stupid things. Sometimes, they do not even mean it. Anyways, God is perfect. He does not say stupid things.
Welp. Through out 2013 I realize I did not constantly have that truth in my heart. Ned's and I relationship had it's ups and downs A LOT in 2013 (not saying this year will be smoother haha) But in the fact that we both had to work on past issues in our lives. Like for me, finding my worth in a relationship. I need to be in love with God more than Ned. I need to miss God's presence more than I miss Ned's presence. I need to care more about hurting God's feelings than hurting Ned's feelings. I have realized that I kept on listening to the lie in my head saying: "1 year of no dating means that you can totally depend on Ned with leading you and that you do not struggle with finding worth anymore." With that being said, I am finding my worth in God. I need that constant in my heart.
Now, Being in a relationship is great.. hanging out with your best friend and just be yourself around them and all. Have someone to talk to. BUT I do want to address on being single. I have a lot of single friends and I have told some of them "Be glad you are single, relationships are hard work." And it is true. Ned is only the 2nd guy I have dated and I did not start dating until college. I just want to say being single and being in a relationship both have their pros and cons. Be happy in whatever situation you are in because I am sure you will learn more about yourself. Which is one of the many things I like about Ned. He MAKES me share things I keep hidden (in a nice way of course) and I learn more things about myself and who I am and who I am not. Lies that I put in my head throughout the day. It is good to let those all out. This is what is hard about making a relationship not an idol. You associate sometimes healing when you are with the other person. But that is all GOD. God is healing my heart. God is making me aware of what I hide through others. God deserves the glory!
That is all for now:)
During my break from school, I have reflected on the year 2013 about my relationships. I have a confession. I am selfish. I like to conceal things and be a "big" girl. I want to be perfect and make everyone think that I am. hah. This is one area of my life I want to be better in.
My parents are hard workers. They have been through a lot and is always neat to hear their stories. I totally feel spoiled with them. During college life I have been talking to them more and more.. as in not just surface level conversations but like purpose of life and hear their advice. One thing I had to let go was knowing the fact I need help with life haha. I do not like asking help for things. I always think I am able to find out it on my own and that I do not need anyone. That is just a lie. I have learning to be more open with them, learn from them, care for them, and pray for them. I hope to continue down this path with them.
Now, this next one may be intense. It is going to be about how I am selfish in my relationship with my boyfriend.
January 1, 2013 at midnight, my boyfriend now decided to pursue me after me going on a 1 year promise to God of no dating. During that 1 year of no dating I had learned a lot. Especially understanding the fact that I just need God. I do NOT need a guy to tell me I am beautiful, ask me how I am, get me gifts, and such and such. All I really need is to be satisfy with a God who loves me so much that I can hardly understand it and spend time with Him. Get to know Him. Look to Him. Give it to Him. My worth is in Him. No guy, I repeat, no guy is going to completely satisfy a girl.. at least not all the time. Guys are not perfect. They make mistakes. They say stupid things. No matter how much they love you, they still do stupid things. Sometimes, they do not even mean it. Anyways, God is perfect. He does not say stupid things.
Welp. Through out 2013 I realize I did not constantly have that truth in my heart. Ned's and I relationship had it's ups and downs A LOT in 2013 (not saying this year will be smoother haha) But in the fact that we both had to work on past issues in our lives. Like for me, finding my worth in a relationship. I need to be in love with God more than Ned. I need to miss God's presence more than I miss Ned's presence. I need to care more about hurting God's feelings than hurting Ned's feelings. I have realized that I kept on listening to the lie in my head saying: "1 year of no dating means that you can totally depend on Ned with leading you and that you do not struggle with finding worth anymore." With that being said, I am finding my worth in God. I need that constant in my heart.
Now, Being in a relationship is great.. hanging out with your best friend and just be yourself around them and all. Have someone to talk to. BUT I do want to address on being single. I have a lot of single friends and I have told some of them "Be glad you are single, relationships are hard work." And it is true. Ned is only the 2nd guy I have dated and I did not start dating until college. I just want to say being single and being in a relationship both have their pros and cons. Be happy in whatever situation you are in because I am sure you will learn more about yourself. Which is one of the many things I like about Ned. He MAKES me share things I keep hidden (in a nice way of course) and I learn more things about myself and who I am and who I am not. Lies that I put in my head throughout the day. It is good to let those all out. This is what is hard about making a relationship not an idol. You associate sometimes healing when you are with the other person. But that is all GOD. God is healing my heart. God is making me aware of what I hide through others. God deserves the glory!
That is all for now:)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)