Sometimes, I just need to write things out. I'm one of those people who do better writing out my thoughts and feelings instead of using words. I mean, unless you pry it out. Lately, I have been really sensitive about questions with my life. I had no clue why, but now I am understanding. It has to do with something inside myself. My heart. A problem. Control & Fear.
Lately, my time in the Word has been reading and like okay, that's cool, thank you Lord and usually follow by feeling bad about my life or something like that. Recently, there have been some good days with the Word, Like learning about James, Jesus' brother, who also wrote the book of James and it just clicked to why I love the book of James since all James had to go through. Whoa. One of those Wow, how come I haven't realize this.. God is so much bigger than me & has lots of truths that are just waiting for me to unveil.
I've been growing weary with school, especially finding an internship site. I have seriously gone through 5 sites and either it didn't fit my schedule, or it was something I wanted to do. I felt defeated. I have one more I am looking into and it seems promising so far. I do have a fear that this one will be taken away just like the others. I have a fear of either not getting into the school I want to next year & being able to get in state tuition and if that that doesn't happen, finding a job. I have fears of not being "ready." I am learning how to give these fear to Him and control over it. I have to cling to His promise that He knows the desires of my heart and knows what is best for me. With that. This long distance relationship thing. I was all right for the most part, but lately I have just, well, I am not sure. Like it has been FOREVER since I have seen Ned and just hanging out with him. This is hard.. 3 months. People have told me it is worth it, and I believe so in the sense of when seeing the person, it makes it .. I'm not sure what word to use for it besides exciting/one of a kind experience. That is what I need to realize. Not every relationship goes through months and months apart from each other. Also, each one is definitely not the same. God has definitely been working through some our weakness together. He is definitely growing us closer to Him.. not without mourning and tears haha. We both know it will be worth it in the end. Plus, we got a book about questions before you marry.. and some of the questions have helped the quality of our conversations & definitely learning about each other on a deeper level. Also, reminding us on why we are in this relationship in the fist place. Always good to be reminded of that.
Scripture that I love meditating on recently on? JAMES 1.
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