Such a little word, but this is what I have been learning recently. Phil Wickham's song "Grace" is spot on to what I am thinking/feeling. I need to stop thinking I can do things and know that it is all by Jesus. I need Him to be louder than my voice. I can't do it alone. Go and listen to the song if you have time. It's great.
Since my last post, I know I have a hard time at comparing myself to other people. Don't we all though? It seems like I am never satisfied in whom I am. Psalm 139 is helping me. All by God. I need to be who I am and not dictate my actions or how I dress by what culture or people think I should be. IF I am following God and listening to Him.. why should I care on what others would think of me? He is the one that has a final say. I know. Sometimes, it is hard for me to think that in the sense since He is not physically here to have coffee with or see randomly. I have to MAKE time for Him.. I have to make time to be with Him and talk to Him. He is REAL. He is with me. It may not be like physically here like my friends, but He needs to be the one that I seek my approval on. SO. Do what God wants you to do. Ask Him. Make sure you are at peace with your decision.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Reflect and Move on
Hi there people. I have decided to join the world of blogging this year since I do enjoy writing and typing out my thoughts already. I want people to know what I am going through and be vulnerable with my life as much as I can. Plus, this will be good for me too. Anyways, here I go.
During my break from school, I have reflected on the year 2013 about my relationships. I have a confession. I am selfish. I like to conceal things and be a "big" girl. I want to be perfect and make everyone think that I am. hah. This is one area of my life I want to be better in.
My parents are hard workers. They have been through a lot and is always neat to hear their stories. I totally feel spoiled with them. During college life I have been talking to them more and more.. as in not just surface level conversations but like purpose of life and hear their advice. One thing I had to let go was knowing the fact I need help with life haha. I do not like asking help for things. I always think I am able to find out it on my own and that I do not need anyone. That is just a lie. I have learning to be more open with them, learn from them, care for them, and pray for them. I hope to continue down this path with them.
Now, this next one may be intense. It is going to be about how I am selfish in my relationship with my boyfriend.
January 1, 2013 at midnight, my boyfriend now decided to pursue me after me going on a 1 year promise to God of no dating. During that 1 year of no dating I had learned a lot. Especially understanding the fact that I just need God. I do NOT need a guy to tell me I am beautiful, ask me how I am, get me gifts, and such and such. All I really need is to be satisfy with a God who loves me so much that I can hardly understand it and spend time with Him. Get to know Him. Look to Him. Give it to Him. My worth is in Him. No guy, I repeat, no guy is going to completely satisfy a girl.. at least not all the time. Guys are not perfect. They make mistakes. They say stupid things. No matter how much they love you, they still do stupid things. Sometimes, they do not even mean it. Anyways, God is perfect. He does not say stupid things.
Welp. Through out 2013 I realize I did not constantly have that truth in my heart. Ned's and I relationship had it's ups and downs A LOT in 2013 (not saying this year will be smoother haha) But in the fact that we both had to work on past issues in our lives. Like for me, finding my worth in a relationship. I need to be in love with God more than Ned. I need to miss God's presence more than I miss Ned's presence. I need to care more about hurting God's feelings than hurting Ned's feelings. I have realized that I kept on listening to the lie in my head saying: "1 year of no dating means that you can totally depend on Ned with leading you and that you do not struggle with finding worth anymore." With that being said, I am finding my worth in God. I need that constant in my heart.
Now, Being in a relationship is great.. hanging out with your best friend and just be yourself around them and all. Have someone to talk to. BUT I do want to address on being single. I have a lot of single friends and I have told some of them "Be glad you are single, relationships are hard work." And it is true. Ned is only the 2nd guy I have dated and I did not start dating until college. I just want to say being single and being in a relationship both have their pros and cons. Be happy in whatever situation you are in because I am sure you will learn more about yourself. Which is one of the many things I like about Ned. He MAKES me share things I keep hidden (in a nice way of course) and I learn more things about myself and who I am and who I am not. Lies that I put in my head throughout the day. It is good to let those all out. This is what is hard about making a relationship not an idol. You associate sometimes healing when you are with the other person. But that is all GOD. God is healing my heart. God is making me aware of what I hide through others. God deserves the glory!
That is all for now:)
During my break from school, I have reflected on the year 2013 about my relationships. I have a confession. I am selfish. I like to conceal things and be a "big" girl. I want to be perfect and make everyone think that I am. hah. This is one area of my life I want to be better in.
My parents are hard workers. They have been through a lot and is always neat to hear their stories. I totally feel spoiled with them. During college life I have been talking to them more and more.. as in not just surface level conversations but like purpose of life and hear their advice. One thing I had to let go was knowing the fact I need help with life haha. I do not like asking help for things. I always think I am able to find out it on my own and that I do not need anyone. That is just a lie. I have learning to be more open with them, learn from them, care for them, and pray for them. I hope to continue down this path with them.
Now, this next one may be intense. It is going to be about how I am selfish in my relationship with my boyfriend.
January 1, 2013 at midnight, my boyfriend now decided to pursue me after me going on a 1 year promise to God of no dating. During that 1 year of no dating I had learned a lot. Especially understanding the fact that I just need God. I do NOT need a guy to tell me I am beautiful, ask me how I am, get me gifts, and such and such. All I really need is to be satisfy with a God who loves me so much that I can hardly understand it and spend time with Him. Get to know Him. Look to Him. Give it to Him. My worth is in Him. No guy, I repeat, no guy is going to completely satisfy a girl.. at least not all the time. Guys are not perfect. They make mistakes. They say stupid things. No matter how much they love you, they still do stupid things. Sometimes, they do not even mean it. Anyways, God is perfect. He does not say stupid things.
Welp. Through out 2013 I realize I did not constantly have that truth in my heart. Ned's and I relationship had it's ups and downs A LOT in 2013 (not saying this year will be smoother haha) But in the fact that we both had to work on past issues in our lives. Like for me, finding my worth in a relationship. I need to be in love with God more than Ned. I need to miss God's presence more than I miss Ned's presence. I need to care more about hurting God's feelings than hurting Ned's feelings. I have realized that I kept on listening to the lie in my head saying: "1 year of no dating means that you can totally depend on Ned with leading you and that you do not struggle with finding worth anymore." With that being said, I am finding my worth in God. I need that constant in my heart.
Now, Being in a relationship is great.. hanging out with your best friend and just be yourself around them and all. Have someone to talk to. BUT I do want to address on being single. I have a lot of single friends and I have told some of them "Be glad you are single, relationships are hard work." And it is true. Ned is only the 2nd guy I have dated and I did not start dating until college. I just want to say being single and being in a relationship both have their pros and cons. Be happy in whatever situation you are in because I am sure you will learn more about yourself. Which is one of the many things I like about Ned. He MAKES me share things I keep hidden (in a nice way of course) and I learn more things about myself and who I am and who I am not. Lies that I put in my head throughout the day. It is good to let those all out. This is what is hard about making a relationship not an idol. You associate sometimes healing when you are with the other person. But that is all GOD. God is healing my heart. God is making me aware of what I hide through others. God deserves the glory!
That is all for now:)
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