I'm in a season of waiting. Waiting to see what is my next chapter after undergrad at UIC. Waiting to see when engagement and marriage will come into play. Waiting for this semester to end. Waiting for my next semester to start. Waiting to see if I get an internship next semester and when. Waiting to know if I can take the TEAS test somewhere here. Waiting. Waiting for answers.
You know the verse: Be still and know I am God. Well, that is a verse if you didn't. I am finding in this season that God is the only person I feel at peace with during this time of waiting. Knowing that my future is in His hands and He knows my desires and plans. Sometimes it is hard to feel that. Sometimes I do doubt. On a daily basis I need to surrender my life to God because I do not have control. Even when I think I do. I do not. God is definitely working on my prayer life and personal time with Him this season. I cannot go a day without prayer and going to Him with my worries and anxieties. Quite frankly, it is getting tiredsome. But I am learning that this may be happening because He is teaching me what perseverance is.. having a FAITH and HOPE in Him alone. Recently I looked over the story of Joseph (the one with Mary). Meditating on his perseverance to always looking to God throughout the journey of meeting married and when Jesus was born. Knowing where to go. What to do. And why did Joseph know? Because God lead him and he looked to God. Joseph persevered with all the craziness of Mary becoming pregnant and traveling around.
"For God is not the author of confusion but of peace" - I Corinthians 14:33
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Friday, July 11, 2014
For all the girls
This season of my life, I am learning to truly believe in the promises God has for us. I am growing weary of this world to be honest. I feel like I hate how women are seen in this world. I hate how some women may feel like they need to dress a certain way to be accepted. I hate how some women do not care what they wear. It pains me to see this all of a sudden.. really does. It hurts because I did feel like I needed to dress a certain way to be accepted. I felt all of this. And now, being clothed in dignity means something to me more.
"True beauty emanates from a woman who boldly and unabashedly knows who she is in Christ."
Ladies. True beauty is not on the outside. It is about how you represent yourselves to others. I say this with conviction in myself too. I need to stop wondering if I look pretty on the outside. I want to be the woman that people compliment on my personality and NOT my body. Now, Who am I in Christ? Who are you in Christ?
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer" - Psalm 19:14
Ladies. True beauty is not on the outside. It is about how you represent yourselves to others. I say this with conviction in myself too. I need to stop wondering if I look pretty on the outside. I want to be the woman that people compliment on my personality and NOT my body. Now, Who am I in Christ? Who are you in Christ?
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer" - Psalm 19:14
" You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit that you received from God and that lives in you. You don’t own yourselves. God paid a very high price to make you his. So honor God with your body." - I Corinthians 6: 19-20
I am continuing learning how my body IS God's. What a relationship I have with Him.. He created me, He wants me, and even when I do not want Him.. He's there. He paid the price. He wants me to honor Him with how I represent my relationship with Him. He cares. Sometimes, I think to myself, would I do something different if Jesus is here or I am going to see Him. Because He is watching. My relationship with Jesus is serious.. it is not something I can blow off.. though I do sometimes. It breaks my heart when I realize I have.
Thought of the day: Hows your relationship with everyone you know. Which people do you feel closer to and why. Do you have a relationship with Christ? Why or Why not?
Promises
So, I haven't written a blog since finals week haha. I'm sorry to anyone who liked reading them. A new job, summer school, and volunteering have been keeping me quite busy. Also, you know, hanging out with friends and Ned a lot before he moves.
Anyways, for like 3 weeks, I have been feeling not "myself." It is getting harder to trust in the truth and promises of God. It is harder to "be strong" that Ned is moving to Charlotte soon. It does not help that I am waiting to finish summer school before I try and plan anything for after my undergrad. 3 more weeks! woot woot! Sometimes, I just want to know when things are going to happen.. that's all haha:)
Question: Why is it so "bad" to show emotion? Why do people not like to cry in public? I believe in our society, the strong people are looked at the people who do not cry, who do not let their emotions get in the way of things. When I think of these questions, the verses that come up are from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
There's a time in your life for everything. The next verse that I am sharing is a verse I am quoting every morning. I am at the point where I need to be reminded that God is for me even when I do not "feel" it. It's like, I know I should feel confident in God but why do I not. A quote that I saw on Pintrest totally described how I am feeling with my relationship with God. "It feels so good to be lost in the right direction" Oh, now the verse:
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23
Anyways, for like 3 weeks, I have been feeling not "myself." It is getting harder to trust in the truth and promises of God. It is harder to "be strong" that Ned is moving to Charlotte soon. It does not help that I am waiting to finish summer school before I try and plan anything for after my undergrad. 3 more weeks! woot woot! Sometimes, I just want to know when things are going to happen.. that's all haha:)
Question: Why is it so "bad" to show emotion? Why do people not like to cry in public? I believe in our society, the strong people are looked at the people who do not cry, who do not let their emotions get in the way of things. When I think of these questions, the verses that come up are from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace."
There's a time in your life for everything. The next verse that I am sharing is a verse I am quoting every morning. I am at the point where I need to be reminded that God is for me even when I do not "feel" it. It's like, I know I should feel confident in God but why do I not. A quote that I saw on Pintrest totally described how I am feeling with my relationship with God. "It feels so good to be lost in the right direction" Oh, now the verse:
"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful." -Hebrews 10:23
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Envy
Lately, Envy has been in my heart. Isn't it hard to think that everyone around you has their life together, has that happy ending that you so desire or whatever your case may be? Well, that is me. I am desiring what others have, and it got to the point where I was crying and asking God, WHY?! WHY can't I have that yet? I'm ready. I have been waiting for quite some time. I don't know if I can do this anymore. Please Lord, just let me be able to have it. And then.. after saying that out loud and pleading. I realize.. this is all I want. I knew that and I had a hard time admitting that that was selfish because I really did not think it was selfish. Because of this, this harms my relationships with other people and also God.
I was mad for like 3 days straight at God for not giving me what I thought I have earned. I was mad that things are not coming together like other people's lives. I was being envious and just not happy with where God has me now. But, guess what. God has me where I am and wants me to build up His kingdom where I am and be present.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" -Philippians 4:6-7
I was mad for like 3 days straight at God for not giving me what I thought I have earned. I was mad that things are not coming together like other people's lives. I was being envious and just not happy with where God has me now. But, guess what. God has me where I am and wants me to build up His kingdom where I am and be present.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" -Philippians 4:6-7
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." -Matthew 6:25-34
How am I learning to be less anxious? Prayer helps. Persistent prayer. Reading the Word helps. Meditating on it. Be in the present and what God has to offer to me each day. Seek His Kingdom. Have FAITH that He will answer.
God is fighting FOR us.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Ups and Downs. Listening.
Lately, I feel my life has been going up and down and up and down. Like one hour something great happens and then the next hour something discouraging happens. One moment was that I was anticipating to find out what is wrong with my knee last week, but I have to wait for a visit that will be this Friday. Another week. I admit. I was mad at first.. even though I probably did not show it ( I tend to keep things like that that make me mad inside). I just have had moments like that a lot recently and it is draining for sure. But I'm learning that I just need to listen to God and surrender.
I do get on rants sometimes with people. I have a lot of friends who are prayer warriors and tell me something encouraging or are praying for me recently and that is SO GREAT! My initial reactions to all of these was to ask for their prayer request and I would pray for them right then, but then forget it throughout my week. I believe God is teaching me how to take in how much I am loved by people He has brought to me in my life. God is showing me that I do not have to do something for my friends for them to like me, they already do and care for me. Even when I feel the crappiest and a failure. And guess what. It is just a SMALL glimpse of His love for me!
I Peter 5:6-11 is right by my bed and I look at it every time before I go to sleep.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
This verse reminds me that my God is great. Life is hard in this world but it will pass. The devil is strong, our flesh is weak. But being in a community is great!
I do get on rants sometimes with people. I have a lot of friends who are prayer warriors and tell me something encouraging or are praying for me recently and that is SO GREAT! My initial reactions to all of these was to ask for their prayer request and I would pray for them right then, but then forget it throughout my week. I believe God is teaching me how to take in how much I am loved by people He has brought to me in my life. God is showing me that I do not have to do something for my friends for them to like me, they already do and care for me. Even when I feel the crappiest and a failure. And guess what. It is just a SMALL glimpse of His love for me!
I Peter 5:6-11 is right by my bed and I look at it every time before I go to sleep.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
This verse reminds me that my God is great. Life is hard in this world but it will pass. The devil is strong, our flesh is weak. But being in a community is great!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Comparing
Why do I feel like I always compare myself with people? This is the question that is always coming up for me. The answer I feel like is simple: I am not fully satisfied with God. Then I go, yes I am! I'm having my God times.. trying to listen to Him. Waiting for His time.. and struggling with that but I know I will gain perseverance in Him. James 1:2-4 is the verse that is constantly coming to me, along with Jeremiah 29:11.. He knows my plans. Now, all our plans are not going to be the same. Everyone is unique. My plans are not going to be the same as my friend's plan. This is what I am struggling to keep strong in thinking.
Struggling is hard.. especially when the answers seem so easy. Struggling is not easy. It's not fun. But just know, there is light in the end. God is going to come back. Everything will be good eventually. Nothing is going to matter besides Him.
Now, take one day at a time. Know He is good and great. Know everything will fall into place eventually. My life is not falling apart, it's falling into place.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
More Time
It's getting to that time of the semester where things are getting crazy and picking up. I realize today that I wish I had more time. More time to be able to just sit and have a Jesus date. Fall more in love with Him. Instead of worrying about what I have to do with a class, making sure things get turned in, meetings, eating, and you know, just regular things. I get so drained from my day that I just want to curl up in my bed and sleep my worries away and just be like.. Okay.. Jesus. You know what's up.
I have been disciplined in thinking each day on what God wants me to do for His glory. So I go on prayer walks most of the time and then I keep on going about my day. I realize today though.. I need to make time for myself to have God and I time. Not God and other people time. God and I time. Like not once a week or twice a week. Everyday. Why? Because I am in love with God. He needs to be number one.
Ned and I are reading through the whole Bible this year. I confess that some days.. I let that be my God and I time. Now.. this is just my conviction. God is a jealous God and desires my attention. Yet, I don't give it to Him some days.
Jesus is my friend.. "No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." (John 15:15)
-That is Jesus talking over there by the way.
Anyways, I am making it a goal for me this week to find time this week for some God and I time so that I can learn from Him, be sustained by Him, and know that He is ENOUGH. I definitely need this intimate time with Him this week and I am so happy I am yearning for it!
By the way, don't get me wrong, I don't think it is bad to have God, other people, and yourself time.. It builds up community. But I do think it is harmful in your relationship to God if that is the only time you spend time with God. It's like.. getting to know a person 1 on 1 versus with other people in the room. It can work.. or it can't.
Have a great week this week and find that time to spend time with God to get to know Him more!
I have been disciplined in thinking each day on what God wants me to do for His glory. So I go on prayer walks most of the time and then I keep on going about my day. I realize today though.. I need to make time for myself to have God and I time. Not God and other people time. God and I time. Like not once a week or twice a week. Everyday. Why? Because I am in love with God. He needs to be number one.
Ned and I are reading through the whole Bible this year. I confess that some days.. I let that be my God and I time. Now.. this is just my conviction. God is a jealous God and desires my attention. Yet, I don't give it to Him some days.
Jesus is my friend.. "No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you." (John 15:15)
-That is Jesus talking over there by the way.
Anyways, I am making it a goal for me this week to find time this week for some God and I time so that I can learn from Him, be sustained by Him, and know that He is ENOUGH. I definitely need this intimate time with Him this week and I am so happy I am yearning for it!
By the way, don't get me wrong, I don't think it is bad to have God, other people, and yourself time.. It builds up community. But I do think it is harmful in your relationship to God if that is the only time you spend time with God. It's like.. getting to know a person 1 on 1 versus with other people in the room. It can work.. or it can't.
Have a great week this week and find that time to spend time with God to get to know Him more!
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