Transitions

Very end of last year on Christmas I got engaged. This year I finished finished that long distance relationship. I have graduated with my undergrad degree in Kinesiology. I got married. I have moved out of state, away from my family and friends and the area that I have known since I was born. Not for a short time too (that thought has been sinking in recently). Every time I say that out loud or think about it all, I realize that that is a lot that has happened to me. Sometimes, I am wonder "What was I thinking?" or "What have I gotten myself into?" "Did you realize what you all did?"

Let me tell you. The Lord has been teaching me this year: patience, perseverance, faith, and what am I really living for. FYI. This is going to be a long blog because I do have a lot to say. Just warning you.

During my last semester at UIC, I was able to intern with Alliance Rehab at Norwood Park Senior Center and just fell in love with it! I was able to get a job right after my internship and could have kept on going if I did not get married a moved haha. It was great. It was so good for me developing skills there and learning from that place. The last day there was hard for me to think it was my last time teaching classes to the Seniors. Thinking that I will probably not see some of them ever again. My last day was a week before I got married. I then realize that I will be seeing my now husband soon and that our long distance relationship will be over and from not seeing each other like every 2-3 months to seeing each other every day.. still gets me. It's crazy, weird, and happy.

So, we got married. Looking at pictures, it feels like forever ago but still remembering all the emotions I had that day: excitement, nervousness, "wow, this dress" "everything looks great" "beautiful songs" "Vows" "is this really happening?" "We're married? Just like that?" It is a day I have been waiting for (which felt like forever). Now it is over with. Whoa. Such much joy that day. So much joy seeing my husband having his eyes close as he pray for the day and our marriage/lives here on after before we get married. So much joy seeing my husband waiting for me to come down the aisle. So much joy worshipping with him by my side. So much joy expressing our vows to each other. So much joy being announced Mr. and Mrs. So much joy celebrating!

So honeymoon over. Moved to Charlotte. Got everything organized and cleaned was basically my week 1 at Charlotte. Starting September I got a babysitting job that I knew was going to be temporary since the family moved at the end of the month. In my right mind, I thought I would have had a job offer after I was done with it so I thought "Perfect."

During my first job here, I would babysit around 11 hours a day. It was great at the time. It made me feel like I had value.. in that I am helping making money. During this time I was figuring out what meals Ned and I liked together and what are the essentials. Also, this time I was also doing the lovely name change things and stuff to do once you move to another state: SS, Drivers license, plates, bank account changes. It took a toll in my mental identity in that: am I really Eva Swanson.. because certain things would still say Eva Pua. What do I say to people when they ask for my name or write a check. It was a weird time.

Now, I haven't been babysitting for about a week and a half.. basically 2 weeks. Anyways, during this time, I have applied to about 20 jobs I would say. Not hearing back is one thing. Sometimes, I catch myself applying for the same job too. I also had to deal with being declined from a job twice. That definitely took a toll to my ego since both were jobs I believed I was over-qualified for. I have gotten phone interviews and eagerly awaiting to see what is next from there. One of the phone interviews is to work at a little kids gym (so other side of the age range I worked with before). Seems fun and I have visited. I totally get my hopes up thinking this is job for me. Kids. Fun work outs. During the phone interview, they told me they will get back to me.. it has been about a week later. Still waiting. Goodness. This is hard.

I have always struggled with feeling "not being good enough" and just feeling neglected. Well, I guess no one really like to be neglected. This job hunt has been teaching me to make sure I have a right perspective before I go into my Applying Mode. My worth is not in a job. I am not here in this world to be the best trainer or worker. My time on this earth is to prepare myself and others for eternity with the One true God. My TRUE joy and satisfaction is from Him. It is unending, eternal.

So, Patience. I sometimes wonder why am I always love looking at what is ahead and not where or what is now. It happens especially if something you want is coming up.. like a wedding. It is exciting. But I am learning, during those times, it is HARD to be present. Learning how to be thankful for each day that God has given you. Each person you get to interact with each day. Having joy of the Lord in your heart! Knowing that I have eternal security because of my faith in Him. Learning how much you need God and how much He loves you. Recently, I came across this during one of my alone times with God: God is glorified in our joy in Him. Finally my brothers, Rejoice in the Lord (Phil 3:1). I was then thinking: Wow, do I rejoice each day that my God is good? Do I have true authentic joy in Him? Do I pursue joy in the Lord?
I know. A lot of questions for my mind. Everyone told me that in marriage, God is going to use it to sanctify each other.. as in molding each other to what God wants you to be. Pure joy in God. Going and telling others. Share His love. Multiply.

Live in the joy of Christ and you will never be disappointed. Wow. True words right there. This is what I am working on while I am waiting for a job or whatever. It is something to be worked on each day of my life. This is where I am learning perseverance. Some days are harder than others, like when I learn I am not getting the job I thought I was most likely going to get. Or, God, are you really hearing my prayers about me wanting to work? Why is this happening? Am I going to be a able to go to school next year?  "I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you"- Ps. 32:8. I need to keep truth in my heart and mind.

Now, Faith and What am I really living for are going together. Faith in that my God is a good good Father. It is who He is. I am ever so loved by him. (Yes, I quoted kinda that song). Faith in that I do have a faithful God that hears my desires. Faith in that His perfect timing, certain things will happen. Learning that there is a different with His way and my way or any other person's way. Faith in that what I am suppose to be living for is eternal. Wow. Eternity. One day. We all will have to face God. Can you imagine being with God.. FOREVER. Whoa. After this time on earth, eternity matters. We are on this earth for a speck of what is to come. SO hard to grasp that sometimes. I sometimes think on how I thought my wedding day was going to take forever to get here.. and then it happened and it's all done. That's what life on this earth is.

Now, each day. I ask myself as I am in this season of transition. Making sure I know where my worth is at. Asking if I am having joy in my Father. Making sure that while I search for jobs, that my mind won't get caught up with idolizing that more than my time with my good good Father. Knowing that He is in control of my future.